Sunday, March 13, 2016

Day 35: Paper Chase has Begun for Sweet Coralei

If you haven't heard, she has a name! No, we have not been matched, but we have given our girl a first name! Her middle name will be determined after we are matched as we plan to tie her Chinese name into her middle name.

We are so excited to bring Coralei home where she belongs :)

You hear paper pregnant and I don't think that fully prepares you for all of the paper. Let's see, so far we've completed a 60 question questionnaire each. We've completed forms for 5 state background checks for Steve and 2 for myself. We've been fingerprinted for MD background checks and child support clearances and we have each completed an autobiography. Mine was 11 pages and Steve's was 4 pages. We've completed physicals that were complete with blood work and urine tests.

We've already had more forms than I can count notarized. Oh and let's not forget that we have had and passed a State Fire Marshal inspection. And all of this was just to prepare us for our first interview with our home study social worker where she can give us the official home study packet. Should be interesting because I already carry this binder with me everywhere because it holds the documents we complete and need for our dossier.
Even better is China requires NEWLY (within 6 months) issued birth certificates and marriage license, so we are ordering those this week then they have to be authenticated by the state department. Just an extra step along the way. 

As we move forward, we are told there has been a temporary slow down of files from China at the moment. The Chinese New Year backs things up this time of year, so while we wait for a minor needs girl, the originally quoted 12-15 months to have her here in our arms could be closer to 18 months. It might only be an extra 3 months but in my heart that sounds like an eternity. That said, our agency told us that files pick up in the spring, so we are doing everything in our power to get our home study completed as fast as possible so that we can start our 1800A and FBI fingerprinting and clearances and get our dossier to China to become LID by summer so we can possibly be matched sooner and maybe stay closer to the 15 month window. 

We are also revisiting our MCC (medical condition form that states what types of medical conditions we are willing to accept) and are adding a few things, possibly PKU, and we are adding thalessemia. Thalessemia is a blood disorder where the body doesn't produce red blood cells. In its mild form, thalessemia is treated with a daily pill. In its severe form, it would require that she takes a daily pill and every 4 weeks or so, she would require a blood transfusion. While it sounds incredibly scary, she would have no physical restrictions and would lead a regular life with no diminished life expectancy. 

This process is long and emotionally taxing. It is not always going to be roses and exciting. Undoubtedly, there will be times where it is hard and where we ask if adoption is right for us. We will wonder if it will be worth the pain and tears. And, expect that this blog won't always be roses. I'm real, I'm raw, and sometimes I will come here bleeding and broken. Please, love me through the hard and the ugly. I will need that more over the next few years than ever before.

I try to remember to stay faithful and trust God. Yesterday, in Ft Worth we were walking the stockyards discussing Coralei. Talking about the scary medical forms. The hard and ugly stuff and this family walks past us. A dad, 2 biological teenagers and the sweetest Asian toddler. I couldn't help but stare. Steve and I then talked lovingly of Coralei. With less fear and more love. It was our reminder that we are doing this for love. Even when it is hard, we will be reminded of why we were called to adopt.

That said, I know not everyone understands our journey and I did want to touch base on 2 things briefly:)

I had someone apologize to me the other day that she wouldn't be "healthy" and I want you to know that we don't want any apologies or sympathy. When we chose China, we chose special needs. Children coming from China, even if minor, have a special need. We are prepared for certain special needs. That was our choice. Because this is not about us. This is about her. Our sweet Coralei. It's about giving her a family who will love and care for her. It's always always about her and it's never about us. Please never apologize for our daughter. We won't apologize for her, and she won't apologize for who she is either. She is fearfully and wonderfully made and she will always know that.

I also, have had someone express their lack of support for international adoption. I didn't realize that there would be people who didn't support giving a child a loving family. I was blindsided. I will say this...maybe international adoption isn't on your heart. That's ok. It's not for everyone. But, please don't school me on America's foster care and the need for adoptive and foster parents here in the states if you yourself aren't adopting, fostering or doing ANYTHING to do your part here in the states or anywhere to give a child a home that wouldn't otherwise have one. You, my friend have not earned that right. And just like you have no control over my uterus, you have no control over how WE decide to complete OUR family. Please remember that above all, kindess and respect matters and you should do better to mind your manners and be respectful of other people's feelings. 

Anyway, I will be announcing our next fundraiser soon on FB, then I will blog about it as well. It's super special. And as we move forward, we will be using our adoption hashtag