Day 9: Where is the love?

It is kinda crazy, you know? To love a child that doesn't exist to you yet.

I mean, when I found out I was pregnant with with my children, both times the love was instant. I found out super early with both of my pregnancies. I fell head over heels in love with a tiny cluster of cells. Like all consuming love. I would think and dream about what they would look like, who they would be.

With every passing week, I would fall more in love with them. I had never met them. I had never seen them, but I knew I would love them. They were mine. They were ours. I would lay in bed in the morning, just to have a few minutes of solitude to feel them kick and roll around. My pregnancies were not easy, but I cherished those quiet moments. The moments when I wouldn't have to share them. They were just mine. I grew them for almost 40 weeks. They survived off of me. How could you not fall in love with the tiny little human that you are growing?

Now, I am not pregnant in the conventional sense, but we are embarking on a journey to bring our daughter home from China.

How can you love someone that you don't know? Someone you have never seen? Someone you can't feel but know they exist?

I don't know how. I just know that you can.

I am in love with a little girl that I don't even know. I haven't seen her face, we haven't even been matched yet.

And yet at night, I pray for her like I do my 2 children here. I send her love because I know she is waiting for me. I dream about what she will look like, who she will be.

But, there is so much tragedy in this journey. For 40 weeks, another woman loved her. Dreamed of what she would look like. Maybe she laid in bed feeling her soft kicks and rolls. She looked into her eyes and decided that she couldn't keep her. That someone else would be her mommy.

Can you feel the weight of that? I can. I feel that weight on my chest in many moments.

I may not know our little girl yet, but I know she is a fighter. I know that the love I feel for her is the same I felt from the minute we found out we were pregnant. I knew in the moment that we decided to move forward that I would love her and not even know who she is yet.  I lay in bed and think about this journey and I think about the fact that our daughter has probably already been born and she is waiting on us to bring her to where she belongs. With each passing week, I love her more.

This paper pregnancy will far exceed 40 weeks, but it's ok. She may not be growing in my belly but she is growing in our hearts <3

And, so you may hear me speak of her, like I know who she is. You may think that's weird. But I do know who she is. And I know she is waiting for us. For that reason, we will continue to do whatever we need to do to get the paperwork done, the fund raised and get a move on our journey to bring her home <3

Paper Pregnant!!!

I think it hit me this week just how long of a process this is going to be. Every morning, Jayce wakes up and asks me if we are getting the baby today And this morning, he told me that we need to get her soon because children shouldn't have to live without a mommy and a daddy. :(

He is only 5, and he just doesn't understand. And his heart is so big that he just wants her here with us.  But, he also doesn't understand what having her here with us could mean. It could mean surgeries, a hurting baby sister, it could mean her requiring more attention, or even a sister that is scared of him. Or even scared of us.

The weight of that responsibility is not taken lightly by Steve and I. We talk about it daily. Some days it is easy talks. Talks of her name, her nursery, even our fundraising.

Other times, it is in fear of traveling to China and bringing home a sweet little girl who thinks of us as strangers. 20 hours on a flight with a potentially terrified little girl. The trauma of this process for our daughter is not lost on us. We understand the magnitude of what this will do to a little girl who is brought home into a country where nothing is familiar and people who want to love and hug her but to her they are strangers. They are the people who took her from the only home that she has ever known.

Each passing day, this begins to feel more real and we are so excited to get beyond this home study so the true wait of being matched with our girl  can begin! <3

So, this week, on Monday we sent off our applications.

Picking an adoption agency and home study agency was not something that we took lightly. I poured hours upon hours on websites, on Facebook groups, in personal messages with other adoptive moms with their opinions and experiences. I was up late researching.

We were all set to pick a big agency, but after lots of research and talking, we picked a small agency. A small agency with 13 partnership orphanages. Picking a smaller agency with many partnerships is great because they have less parents in LID status. AKA parents waiting to be matched. Because of that, their waiting times tend to be shorter once you are LID. Madison Adoption Associates literally has never seen a bad review. So, we are very excited to work with them. They told us that from start to finish it should be only about 15 months before our little girl is in our arms.

Then comes the home study agency. This was trickier. The home study is the first SUPER important step and having an efficient agency is important. It involves SO MUCH paperwork and so many official documents, fingerprinting, more notarizing than I could be prepared for. Once our paperwork is done, it is important that our home study agency is efficient because literally NOTHING can move forward until our home study is complete. So, we considered several options but some nickle and dime you until your fees become outrageous and others could take months after we do our part. After pouring into more groups and getting more reviews, we settled on DATZ Foundation.

I sent in all of our applications that included a $500 application fee for MAA and $1900 contract fee for our home study to DATZ. I was so excited and sure we were finally getting everything rolling.

Unfortunately, on Thursday I check out a local area adoption group and someone made a post regarding DATZ. After sending her a message, I was shocked at what I had learned.

Before I jump in, I want to explain that China is a part of the Hague Convention. That means that there are certain guidelines that countries in the Hague Convention have to follow to streamline their adoptions. This streamlining allows our girl to be a US citizen the minutes the airplane wheels touch US soil. Therefore, your home study agency has to be Hague accredited. So, when looking for a home study agency, it is important that you tell them that you are adopting in China.

I did just that. I emailed the head of the foundation and asked specifically if they were able to do home studies for a China adoption and was assured they could be and that I just needed to send in the contract and the full payment of $1900.

Which I did.

Here is where the unfortunate part comes in. DATZ Foundation's Hague accreditation expired in December 2015. EXPIRED!!!!!! Why wouldn't they have told me that?!?!?!?!

I called my adoption agency in a panic. Then, I called DATZ seeing as how they had already cashed my $1900 check. The guy who answers the phone says "we have been working on it for 3 months now. We have a hearing on February 18 and hope to have our accreditation back then."

Uh. What? That is NOT good enough. He told me he understands my concerns and they will be refunding my money on Monday.

So, we went back to the drawing board and picked a new home study agency. Catholic Charities in Baltimore. Looks like we are FINALLY ready to get this home study moving along!

Here is our first stack of papers!

We are in fact PAPER PREGNANT!!!

And do you know what?!?! It is just as exciting, scary and as uncertain as that moment when you pee on a stick and see that second line, that plus sign or just the word "pregnant."

Holy crap, folks! We are expecting a baby in the next 15-18 months!!!!!

Wow!

Keep those prayers coming! <3

Why? Why Adopt? Why China?

You are probably reading this because you saw on Facebook that Steve and I have decided to use adoption as the route to complete our family. 

You may have questions.

You might wonder, why not have another child the good old fashioned way?

What do Jayce and Everleigh think?

You might wonder, why not save a child in the United States?

You may wonder, why China?

I know that this decision isn't one that everyone will understand. It is not one that everyone would make. But, I also know that this decision was not one that was taken lightly. It was talked about A LOT, it was prayed on CONSTANTLY and it never left our hearts. 

I am excited to blog about our journey. It will be therapeutic when things are hard  and when the days are long.

So, let's jump into the why's, shall we?

Why not have another child the old fashioned way?  It was something we talked about. My pregnancies were not fun, my deliveries were terrifying. Steve spends 9 months terrified each and every day. While each pregnancy and delivery were 1000000% worth it, we just couldn't agree that it was what we wanted this time around. And, let's be honest, newborns terrify my husband :P

What do the kids think? Well, luckily we have been doing a lot of giving back lately and educating Jayce about all of the children that go without. So, we explained that some children do not have a mommy and daddy, and how did he feel if we brought home a little sister that doesn't have a family and that will look different than him. To which he replied,

"Another sister? I do not know how I feel about that."

And we asked him if he wanted to switch bedrooms and let the girls have the rooms that are connected with a bathroom. He told us he would love to let his sisters have his room and he will take Everleigh's room. But, ONLY if he keeps his big new bed haha!!! That kid has priorities :)

As for Everleigh, she doesn't understand. She said she wants a baby but when I ask if she wants a little sister, she tells me that Jayce can have one. 

Why not save a child in the US? THIS is going to be the biggest issue we will face with people questioning our decision. I want to clear it up, it is NOT that we don't want to save an American child. But to adopt a toddler in the US, it is done by way of the foster care system. We considered fostering with the hopes of adoption but decided that as a family with 2 young children, we were just not up for how it could effect our family as children came in and out of their lives. 

We considered the option of adopting a newborn domestically. That said, my heart said no. There are SO many parents who are waiting to be chosen by a family in the US. Many of the people waiting to adopt here cannot have a baby. I just couldn't deal with the idea that we could get picked before someone that cannot have a baby. That doesn't feel right in my heart, because we CAN have babies. 

Why China? Man, that is trickier to explain. We looked into a lot of countries and honestly, several require more than one trip to the country you are adopting from and that is not an option in our books. And, China allows your to specify more as far as conditions and gender are concerned.

No, let's talk about the process, costs and what it will look like when we come home.

The process is LONG. We have already started by applying to our adoption agency, Madison Adoption Associates. And we have applied for our home study agency, DATZ Foundation. The home study is the first step. It involves a TON of paperwork, background checks, financial statements, interviews, safety inspections, etc. The home study process can take up to 4 months.

Then, we complete our dossier. Which is complete with our home study and medical form that specifies what special needs we are willing to accept and that we are specifically requesting a girl. That all goes to China with literally enough documents to fill a 1 inch binder. Then we wait for China to approve our dossier and log us so that we are officially waiting to be matched.

Once we are in LID (log in date) status, we wait. We wait for China and our agency to match us with a young (age 0-2) minor needs girl. We are then given a file and pictures of a child that meets our requirements and we are given the chance to send the file to a doctor to confirm any health issues and we can accept or deny the file. If we accept, then we wait for travel approval which means 6-8 weeks following the acceptance, we will travel to China. That is where Steve and I will spend 2 weeks. We will pick up our girl on day 2 and we will complete paperwork and such over the next 12 days. Then we bring her home, fully adopted and a US citizen :)  If we choose to deny the file, then we go back to waiting. She will likely be between 15 and 24 months when we bring her home.

Now, let's talk special needs. If we want to wait on a completely healthy girl, the wait is over 3 years. We are not looking for a perfectly healthy girl. We had to pour over an incredibly scary medical form to decide what we can handle as parents and as a family. With each box we knew we were leaving another child as an orphan. We talked for days. I was physically ill thinking of marking the boxes and many times, Steve would shut down and not want to discuss it. I truly didn't think one form would be so hard.

We decided on mild conditions such as albinism, minor heart conditions, developmental delays, prematurity, and failure to thrive. I discussed this with our agency. She told me that cleft lip and cleft palate (CLCP) are considered minor. And thanks to a shift in China, they are keeping as many girls in China as possible and that if we truly want a girl that there is pretty much a guarantee that she will have CLCP. We thought on it for days and our hearts say that we have a daughter in China.

What does that mean for us? For her? For our family?

China considers it minor but it is nothing of the sort. It will require special bottles. It will likely require several surgeries in her first year here. It will require surgery and orthodontics as she grows. It will require potentially YEARS of speech therapy. Her first year will be full of pain, surgery and recovery. Even if it is fixed in China, it will require corrective surgeries here. 

Her first months, if not fixed in China will mean stares from strangers who don't understand her journey. It will mean fear of us as her parents every time we take her into public, worrying that someone will see our sweet girl as anything other than perfect and as a fighter. Heck, it could mean my husband or one of my sisters ends up in jail for punching an inconsiderate stranger ;) It will mean commitment to helping her heal. Fear every time she is under, and tears shed every time she hurts and doesn't understand why she has to have another surgery.

That is NOT minor. It will be long, involved and exhausting and it will be EXPENSIVE.

More expensive than the adoption.

Now, I want to take a second and talk about the costs associated with adoption and what that means to us.

The cost of adoption ranges from $30,000-$35,000. There are many grants available, but we do not qualify for them. We make good money. For that reason, as we started, we considered not fundraising. 

And then I realized that it was crazy to not fundraise. When we bring our sweet girl home, it will be costly to take care of her and deal with surgeries. So, we are fundraising to help alleviate the cost of the adoption so that we can afford to manage her medical needs when she is stateside. 

We do not plan to go crazy fundraising. At this point, I have 3 fundraisers in the works (the first will begin this week) and that is it. I never want my friends to feel as though we are constantly asking for anything. I have picked fun and meaningful ones. I have set up a You Charity account, BUT we will never post that link to ask for donations. That is not my style. It is only set up in order to collect for the fundraisers planned. 

I also hope that if you are reading this that you understand my heart. That we never expect anything from anyone except for prayers, love and support. If you choose to participate in our fundraisers, we appreciate you. If you choose to share our fundraisers, we appreciate you. And if you only choose to pray for us and love us, we appreciate you.

If you have any questions, I am an open book and will answer it :) I hope you continue to follow along with us as we proceed! 

It's not failure, unless you quit.

After a pelvic injury with Everleigh's delivery (that story is coming soon!) I have been seeing a chiropractor. After several weeks, he finally gave me the go ahead to begin SLOWLY getting back into running. THIS was the news I have been waiting for!

So, today was the day! I laced up my running shoes and shoved my oversized nursing boobs into a sports bra. You are welcome for the touch of TMI. I got water and headed to my treadmill. My Couch to 5k app had been downloaded and I was ready!

I stepped on the treadmill, started the app and got some Matchbox 20 blaring on my phone and hit start!! 5 minute walking warm up, no problem! Then the app tells me to run for 60 seconds. I increase my speed and I started a nice easy jog. Within 10 seconds, the spots above my butt on both sides of my lower back started screaming. I finished a painful minute and I stretched thinking I just needed to warm up and it would be fine. I was in a lot of pain, but I decided to stick with it.

I.DON'T.QUIT.

It is not who I am. I push through. I am focused and determined.

But with each minute of running, I was in pain. My lungs were fine, my legs were fine! My low back/tailbone? Not fine. After 3 one minute increments, I was hurting and near tears. I pulled the emergency stop sensor, threw it in the cup holder and stormed off. I then took myself to the shower and had a good cry.

I didn't cry in pain. I cried out of disappointment. I am so disappointed that my body hurt. That it wasn't ready. That I let myself get so fat during my pregnancy. That after all of this waiting, my body won't let me run. I am so mad at my body. I let myself down. I let my body down.

Yes, I had a baby. Yes, my body has to heal. I don't want excuses. I don't want sympathy.

I want my body to get on board. I want my body to WANT to help me with this weight loss. The longer I can't run, the further away my weight loss goals seem.

It IS dramamtic, but I feel like I will always be over 200 pounds. The light at the end of the tunnel was being able to run. When I run, I am more focused on eating better and taking care of myself.

What a massive let down this morning. What a horrible way to get back into running.

In my weight loss journey, it has always been hard. I have always wanted to quit. I never did. Until today. Walking away from the treadmill was the hardest thing I have done, but in the moment I was so pissed off that I couldn't think straight.

I gave myself a good talking to. I am not a quitter. But I am also not as strong as I was before I found out I was pregnant just a year ago. I have to start over. I have done it before. I WILL DO IT AGAIN.

Meanwhile, I will be discussing my options with my chiropractor and working on a walking regimen.

And my eating? Yep, I will be in control of that as well. In fact, I may even be sharing some recipes with you :)

This is just a small bump in the road. I will overcome. I have to. 

Until next time!

We have to fail in order to succeed, right?

I have gone back and forth about writing this post. But, I think I have to talk about how I have been feeling. If you have been following my blog then you know that before I got pregnant with Everleigh, I had lost 85 pounds, was running and exercising regularly and I was most importantly, healthy. Then an unexpected pregnancy happened and after 2 years of healthy eating and hard work, I decided to enjoy my pregnancy. Isn't is always so easy to say we will not gain too much weight? But, I had been controlled for 2 years and let's face it, I have dieted my entire life, so I felt I "deserved" to eat how I wanted while pregnant. Problem was that the 2nd pregnancy was harder on my body than I anticipated and because of that, exercise got pushed to the side. So, I with every passing week, I gained. I gained more than needed. And while I didnt get quite as big as I did with Jayce, I did get within 15 pounds of that pregnancy.

What I was left with following Everleigh's delivery, is a body I despise. I was finally comfortable in my own skin. And now? Now my belly is stretched out and I swear it looks like I am wearing a deflated tire around my abdomen. None of my pants (even my fat pants) are even close to fitting. All of my shirts are too tight and too short thanks to my nursing boobs ( I don't hate the boobs, that is a necessary evil of giving my sweet girl the best nutrition). I still wear maternity pants as I only bought 2 pairs of jeans post partum. I refuse to buy more. And I refuse to go back into a dressing room right now. Just looking at my naked body in a mirror makes me cringe.

That being said, I am not an idiot. I know it takes time. I also know that I have to be proactive. So, I went back to Weight Watchers. I am working the program like it is supposed to be worked and I am seeing results. And I am beyond happy with that. So, I figured things were going well so maybe I could start exercising. Let me preface this by saying Everleigh's delivery did a number on my pelvis. (Her labor story is coming later this week!) For 3 weeks following her delivery, I could hardly get on and off of the couch because my pubic bone hurt so bad. I was near tears on more than one occasion and anything more than a short walk around my house would leave me in pain. Even though it still gets sore, I figured I could at least give working out a shot.

And what better way than to do the Turkey Trot 5k that I have completed the past 2 years? I planned on running it, despite not working out since having Everleigh. I went in with the plan to run 2 minutes, walk 1 minute ratio. Even untrained, that was doable. So, the night before the race, I went through my running gear in an effort to find something to wear. After several bags of clothes and being near tears, I finally found something. Too tight but doable.

On Thanksgiving, I laced up my running shoes. 8 weeks to the day since I had delivered my sweet girl. I knew it wouldn't be fast, but I was feeling somewhat confident. We lined up and off we went. Within 30 seconds, I realized my pelvis was sore. By a minute in, it hurt. By mile one, running even for short bursts was no longer an option. Even walking hurt. I did finish the race. But as I crossed the line, instead of being happy, I felt like a failure.

In 9 months, I failed my body. I let it get fat and unhealthy again. I couldn't help wonder if I had stayed active if maybe my pelvis would have healed faster. Maybe this is ridiculous to you. I mean, I KNOW I just had a baby. I know that having a child isn't easy on your body. But that doesn't change how I feel about myself. I let myself down. I let my body down and I reversed all of the good I had done for my body.

The worst part for me is knowing that in 12 weeks, I am scheduled to complete the Glass Slipper Challenge at Disney World. That is 6.2 miles on Saturday and 13.1 miles on Sunday. I can't even run for 2 minute increments without feeling as though I am splitting my pelvis in half. How can I possibly train for this event? So after feeling sorry for myself, I posted in my running group about my concerns. They validated my concerns, but let me know that I am still so early post partum that running just may not be feasible right now. And I know I am only 8 weeks post partum, but I guess I just assumed that was MORE than enough time. But, I assumed wrong. Very wrong.

After that, I decided to do some research to see how I could train. Training is so important, not only for my body but because Disney requires you to be under a 16 minute mile or they will "sweep" you off of the course for being too slow. Which is a fear of mine. Always has been. After a lot of thinking and research, I made a decision. And since I believe in putting things into the universe, I am going to share it with you.

I am going to train with Hal Higdon's "Walk a Half Marathon" plan. It is a plan designed so that I can train to walk the entire race. That being said, it also allows me the opportunity to add jogging within the program when I am ready. I know I have to start slow, and this walking program is ideal for that. My hope is that after 4 weeks of training with the walking program, that I will be able to add in joggin increments enough so that I can hit and maintain a 15 minute mile for the entire half marathon which will in turn give me a cushion to keep me from being swept. All of that being said, I WILL give this training my all. I will NOT be ashamed that I am walking most of this half marathon. There is NO failure in completing 19.3 miles in 2 days. NONE. I will NOT get swept off of the course. And I WILL *try* to be easier on myself. Because I know I can "fix" all of this. Just have to shift my focus and make it happen. I do hope that you will continue to follow me on this journey <3

Until next time!

Starting over

Well, if you read my last blog many months ago, or if you know me on Facebook, then you know I delivered a healthy and beautiful baby girl, Everleigh Dayle DeLoof. Her labor and delivery story will be written soon :) But that is not what this blog is about.

As my pregnancy progressed, I watched my weight climb UP, UP, UP. As I got further along, I began to swell. I would swell from my ankles to my thighs. I could barely bend my knees. I swore I would never see 255 again like I did with Jayce. And I didn't. But I did see 244 pounds on the day I delivered Everleigh.

In the blur of becoming a mommy to a newborn along side of a toddler, I lost sight of that and survived the first weeks. And when I slowed down, well, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The wide hips, what appears to be a deflated tire around my waist, back fat, big giant nursing boobs. WOW. Now yes, I know I just had a baby 5 months ago. BLAH BLAH BLAH

Thing is, I had finally felt comfortable in my own skin after having Jayce, and now here I am again, uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in my own clothes, uncomfortable to be naked. Just uncomfortable. For the 5 weeks post partum, I ate like I was still pregnant. For many women, breastfeeding makes them drop weight, all the while, they eat whatever they way. Uh, that girl is not me. Know what breastfeeding does to me? Makes me HUNGRY. I EAT. I eat often and I eat junk. So, as I see my scale slowly decrease for the first 3 weeks, I think, "maybe this time breastfeeding will help me lose weight." Then the scale stops moving, and I know I have to be pro-active and take control again.

That being said, I decided to head back to Weight Watchers. Well, because let's face it, it works! I found a friend who was willing to do meetings with me so we could be accountable. I loaded up my kiddos this morning and I headed to the meeting. I stepped on the scale, and here it is. My starting weight: 228.

Ouch. But, now I have put it out there for the world to see. This week I will also take starting photos and measurements so that I can continue to share my progress. I will also bring back Foodie Friday amd share some of my favorite recipes with you! And in one short week, I will begin training for the Disney Glass Slipper Challenge which is in February. It is a 10k on Saturday and half marathon on Sunday. This will undoubtedly be the biggest challenge of my running career as my training time is limited and I haven't ran since February. So, I hope you are ready to follow my progress with that as well! I am looking forward to sharing it all with you :)

Until next time!

Pregnancy and this former fat girl!

I have gone back and forth over the past 2 months, about what to blog about while I am pregnant. And today, as I was in the dressing room of Motherhood, trying on dresses, it hit me.

Pregnancy is an AMAZING thing that our bodies do. But sometimes what it DOES to us is not as attractive. You can read every pregnancy book under the sun, and it will tell you how much you should gain in your first, second and third trimester. Nothing makes a woman feel worse about herself than when she gains more.

If you are a follower of my blog, and know my struggles, then you know I am pretty disciplined. I work hard to achieve a goal, I work harder to maintain it. And when I found out I was pregnant, I immediately came up with a plan of action. One that involved how often I was going to workout, and how I was going to eat.

And then....pregnancy hit me. I ate to keep from getting sick, I was so tired I napped daily while my toddler napped, and I could barely function. I ate junk because quite frankly it was the only thing that appealed to me.

4-5 pounds in the first trimester? I gained more like 12. Yep I said it. Do you know what 12 pounds did to my body? 2 cup sizes, I hate my arms and my hips are already wider. I feel incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. I feel fat, not pregnant. I spend my day tugging at my sleeves because my arms feel so incredibly fat that I can't stand it.

Now maybe I am not HUGE yet, but let me tell you, when you take a girl who JUST started feeling a LITTLE comfortable in her own skin and pack on 12 pounds in a matter of 13 weeks, it is HARD. I nearly cried in the dressing room today looking at my changing body. Please, don't get me wrong I love my little belly. And I LOVE growing our beautiful little jelly bean. But, I have struggled with my body my entire life. I see cute pregnant girls all over who only have a belly. I am not nor do I ever anticipate being that girl. I swell, I gain weight all over, and I do not feel cute in anyway.

Tomorrow I hit the 2nd trimester. And I keep telling myself, I will be fine. I won't gain too much weight. BUT, I want to be honest here. When you have spent your entire life worrying about your weight, you spend A LOT of time restricting everything you eat. You eat diet foods, and you drink diet sodas and consume artificial sweeteners.

I have done ALL of that for YEARS. And when I am pregnant, I do not consume diet foods and I completely drop artificial sweeteners (which is the hardest thing for me to do. I have a serious addiction to them) and when I do this, it is literally CRAZY easy to gain 5-10 pounds in just 2-3 weeks. Think about the MASSIVE adjustment my body makes when I shock it like that. So honestly, the gain I have seen SHOULD level off.

But that leaves me with...what it it doesn't? What if I gain too much? What defines too much?

Right now, I don't have those answers, what I DO have is this. Pregnancy is 9 months of your life, maybe it is not a free for all, but when this baby is out, I won't be eating cheesefries again, and I will be restrictive of my diet and 6 weeks post baby, I go into training for a half marathon in only 12 weeks. So what I will say is this, I don't want to gain a ridiculous amount of weight, BUT I also will not restrict myself. There is plenty of time for restriction and discipline post baby :)

So from now until October, I guess you will get to hear about my pregnancy struggles, and all of the SUPER exciting things I will be experiencing over the next couple of months <3

Until next time!